I opened myself up, by dating a bisexual man, in an open relationship.
I put that out there.
An open relationship is one in which the couple agrees to go out with or have sex with other people, but set rules to define their specific relationship. One of the hardest things I have done in my life. I am thankful, as I have learned and grown a lot. I am always seeking growth. I challenged myself to work on my possessiveness and to work on my jealousy.
Jealousy is not a sign of love.
Far too many people think they love someone because they are jealous. Jealousy has to do with your insecurity, not how you feel for the other person. I found that a person can love you, as well as others in different ways. This does not take away from how they feel for you.
We are so conditioned by society, media, news, educators and churches. They all tell us that this is how we should be in a relationship. A man should be with a woman. That’s it. Anything else is wrong. Is a sin. As human beings, we are more complex.
I am not saying that we should all be in open relationships, nor am I saying to date bisexual people. I am suggesting that we look deep within and realize how much of your actions and thoughts are truly yours or stem from external conditioning.
I have always had expectations of what a relationship should be like, or how my boyfriend should act. This stemmed from what society deemed was right, not by me. I realized this through being in this relationship.
True love is pure and unconditional. My work through Tantra has also taught me this. If it is not pure, it is not real. Unconditional love is truly accepting the person for who they are, not what you want them to be. Once I began to accept him for who he was, it got easier. The arguing decreased.
I stopped trying to change him. I stopped fighting against reality. I realized I was not accepting of past boyfriends, which is why I ended relationships quickly. I was not accepting of others, because I was not accepting of myself. We cannot change other people. We can only change ourselves.
Self-acceptance allows us to accept others for who they are, without judgement. How accepting are you of yourself? Through this relationship, I realized my fears of abandonment, of not being loved or being cared for. Relationships are meant to heal us. They are meant to teach us. if we do not grow in a relationship, then it was a waste of time.
When we enter into a relationship, our partner becomes a mirror of who we are. I had to enter into this relationship to see me. To work on my possessiveness. I had to work on my jealousy issues. This was the next step in my growth process.
When was the last time you took a risk in a relationship? When was the last time you dated, or entered a relationship with someone who you would normally not entertain?
I would love to hear from you about your dating experience or your thoughts on my experience.
Renee Adolphe / Prandhara Prem
ReneeAdolphe (at) Gmail.com
PS. Please be sure to leave any questions or comments at the bottom. I would love to hear and learn from you! I feel we are all teachers and students in this life.